Let’s face it, there is so much stuff out there on the subject of self help. Books of all sorts adorn bookshelves in our national book shops. That’s before we consider internet sales, and all the self-published work out there (including mine).
It’s enough to put you off completely – I mean, where do you start? The aim of this article is to provide you with a place to start.
I have read widely in the self help arena, and I would recommend it for anyone wishing to improve themselves. My reading has brought me into contact with many great ideas, approaches and models, some of which I found difficult to understand! Most self help writing distils down to a handful of central principles that, if we learn and apply, will help us significantly. So outlined below are the eight key principles that will help you to live a fulfilling life.
To start with, I define personal development as the stuff that helps you to gravitate towards living a better, happier, more purposeful life. Isn’t this what we all want? Let’s start then, the eight key principles for a great life, in no particular order.
Lesson 1 – Focus on the present
Start living in the moment, focusing on what’s happening right in front of you. Stop worrying about the past or the future. Most miserable folks either spend their days concerned about the future (what ‘could’ happen), or trawling over the past (what ‘could’ have been). Learn the lessons from what happened, and plan for your future by all means, but stop living there. The only event you can alter is what you’re doing right now.
Lesson 2 – Focus on others, not yourself
Contented people generally spend most of their energy focusing on other people. They are absorbed in what others are up to, and helping where they are able to. Discontented folks are more likely to be self focused, and even where they do show interest in other people, it is a tactic rather than real interest (e.g. if I ask how you are, you might ask me back). How many unhappy people do you know who show any real interest in how other people are doing? Not many, in my experience. So unless depression is your goal, focus on others.
Lesson 3 – Think positive
Thinking and talking positively is more likely to result in contentment. Obvious isn’t it? I don’t mean that gushing positive talk that annoys people (what planet are they on?). But emphasising the best in other people and circumstances will help. Being upbeat might also make a positive outcome more likely anyway. As the Henry Ford saying goes, ‘whether you believe you can, or whether you believe you can’t, you’re probably right’. Quite simply, believing you can is better.
Lesson 4 – Be true to yourself
Call it personal integrity, being authentic (my favourite word!), call it whatever. Be true to your own beliefs and values. You will not achieve things that matter to you by trying to impersonate someone else. At most, you’ll be a poor imitation of this person. Instead, be the best ‘you’ there can be, because no one else can do that as well as you can.
Lesson 5 – Have quiet time
Some people do meditation, others might just go for a walk, do some fishing, or read a book. But have some quiet periods in your day. It allows you to get centred, and brings the rest of your hectic life into greater perspective, as well as recharging your energy. Nowadays, people are incessantly busy, so quiet time is a must have.
Lesson 6 – Act on how you feel
Stay in contact with your feelings, especially you people who aren’t paid to connect with them. Your feelings are a useful indicator to us of how we’re doing. Do we feel good or bad right now, and why is this? But they are only a helpful indicator if we pay attention to them. Once you’ve noticed your feelings, don’t be afraid to act on them where you need to.
Lesson 7 – Decide what you really want
You might call this a mission, personal vision, or purpose. It may even be what you spiritually think you’re here for. Whatever you call it, have some big idea of what you want to achieve while you’re here in this life. Not only will this focus you on something that matters, it will also help you make decisions on what to do now, so you don’t fritter your life wasting time on trivial matters.
Lesson 8 – Try different stuff
Variety definitely is the spice of life – many of these old sayings are largely true. Where’s the fun in doing the same thing, day after day? Ground-hog day is no-ones idea of a good time. Most pensioners will tell you that it isn’t what they did when they were younger that they lived to regret. It was the wasted opportunities, the things they didn’t do when they had the chance. What have you tried that was different today? This week? This month? This year? If the answer is ‘not a lot’, find something different to try.
There you have it – the vanilla based, hitch-hikers guide to self help. Stripped of all the finery, these are the key lessons. If you are interested in certain lessons rather than others, there are plenty of great books out there that will give you more detail. I’m happy to give you my own recommendations on other writing if you get in touch.
I will say this though. If you don’t read another personal development article, but you follow these principles in your life, you will see a big difference in your results.
Mark Eyre
A published author and personal development consultant, Mark has 25 years experience of helping people improve their performance in work and life. His focus is on careers, improving resilience and developing great relationships. http://bit.ly/1wOSPdE
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